so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
