Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
