it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
