Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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