I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
