so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
