Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
