im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
