Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
