oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
