He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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