Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
