P.S. I can't hear my feet
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
