There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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