Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
They took my balls.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
