im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
