At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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