i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
