Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
