i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
