..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
meet me or not, i'm out of control
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
