Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
