Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Text me some of your sweat
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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