you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
