Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
