i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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