Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
