wrigley field is MILF paradise
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
