I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
are you so shy because you have an std?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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