I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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