I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
