Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
