My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
