1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
where am i from again
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
