I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
