im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
