I'd wear matching sweaters with you
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
