i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
