Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
