I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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