drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
