i just sent this text using only my big toe
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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