I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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