I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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