Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
