can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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