i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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