he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
