Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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