we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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