I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
