Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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