I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
