no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
